Please and Thank You

For Labor Day weekend I traveled to visit Lois Ann, Craig and the boys. I had no sooner stepped in the house and tried to hug necks when Elliot started asking me a question that was certainly important to him--very important. We all hushed and LA helped him slow down and ask me, "Mamaw will you fix it please?"

No matter what IT was, I was going to fix IT! His eyes were sparkling when he ran back into the room waving a knitted hat with two pompoms on it with one pom about to fall off. "Fix it Mamaw please" was his request again. By the next morning it was in perfect shape, and Elliot promptly pulled in on his head and started shaking it. All it needed was jingle bells to fill the house with sound. "Thank you Mamaw! Thank you Mamaw! Thank you Mamaw!" brought tears of joy to my eyes.

C and I were raised to say please and thank you. We taught our children the importance of this simple courtesy along with yes/no ma-am/sir. When only C and I were at the table, we said please pass... and thank you to one another. It was part of who we were.

At dinner one night when Lois Ann was just starting to talk (Mama and Dada were the first two words), I passed her something at the table. She said "too too." We weren't sure what she meant. But we soon figured it out. She was saying Thank You--her third word. All our buttons popped! We were very proud she had learned naturally and from observing us to be courteous.

Courteousness in general appears to be going by the way side these days. Liberty Mutual Insurance is trying to re-introduce it to the masses. I love their advertisements showing people watching individuals do random acts of kindness for others. Yes, they are simple little things that, on the surface, may seem silly to some. But that is where courteousness comes from. One person being kind to another.

It is also a minimal way of demonstrating respect for another human being. Just take the time to recognize, to acknowledge and to ask with sincerity. Little Elliot did all of these.

I have no idea when parents stopped teaching their children to be well-mannered. If anyone knows of a social science white paper out there on the subject, I'd love the url.

A liberal radio station had the education-classroom topic up today. A caller stated he believed the problems in today's classrooms (i.e. poor education) started in the '70s when "we Americans" started caring more about having fun and living for the weekend instead of focusing on the importance of learning, doing a good job, etc. Could disrespect toward anyone interfering with that pursuit of frivolity have started rearing it's ugly head and destroying genteelity?

Another choice might be the women's movement in the late '60s and early '70s. During those days there were women that got vocally upset when men would open doors for them. Back then it wasn't unusual for women to be outright nasty to men for treating them politely. If you are nice to someone and they "slap" you, why would you show them respect at all?

A third possibility might be when parents started coming to school and saying to the administration, "What did your teacher do wrong this time?" It was a time when parents believed anything their child said was the truth.

Actually, this situation was the pendulum swinging too far left/right. It was a time of overreaction. But before the pendulum gets back to center, the damage is done. Parents teach their children that adults in position of power are to be treated with contempt. Could the result of that situation be fueling this time of so much disrespect?

Graciousness isn't only for sophisticated people. Being thoughtful and considerate is not a virtue with caste lines. There is no reason for anyone to be discourteous and impolite to others.

Thank you Elliot for asking with "please" and being sincere with your "thank you." You warm the cockles of my heart. But, most importantly, thank you for asking for my help.