Childern learn by watching us

Working as a teacher in Florida schools has given me a front row seat to students bullying one another. First, superiority has to be established. That can be age or size or financial status or any number of other factors. Follow that with intimidation and you’re the power broker.

Since kids aren’t born knowing these things, it is easy to surmise they learned it by watching it happen. Some of them were bullied by other students or siblings and just decided to turn the tables. Lots of times bullies are the result of parental browbeating, a form of bullying.

I have always abhorred bullying no matter who did it or what their reason. What is gained by bullying? Sometimes it’s for things, I.e. Money, homework, electronics. My observations showed more often than not the bullying was for power and control over people and a bully’s need to just build themselves up in their own eyes. “I’m better than anyone else.”

Recently I, a senior citizen, was the object of a bullying attempt by one of my peers. First, the confronter used a loud voice asking pointed, nosey questions. Then intimidation was attempted by asserting his rank over me. “Don’t you know who I am?” he yelled. No, and I truthfully didn’t care either. Even threats were made by another bullying cohort of his. “I’ve got a gun!” so if you don’t do what I say…. I was able to “consider the source” in both instances and pity the poor fellows.

And can you believe it, this all took place in front of a child. How nice that these two senior citizens were teaching a kid not only how to but that it was okay to talk to people in this manner. (Sarcasim, folks) Bullying is being taught by people of all age groups.

When will it stop? Our kids don’t have a snowball’s chance if their peers, parents and grandparents are all examples of what not to do.

Please and Thank You

For Labor Day weekend I traveled to visit Lois Ann, Craig and the boys. I had no sooner stepped in the house and tried to hug necks when Elliot started asking me a question that was certainly important to him--very important. We all hushed and LA helped him slow down and ask me, "Mamaw will you fix it please?"

No matter what IT was, I was going to fix IT! His eyes were sparkling when he ran back into the room waving a knitted hat with two pompoms on it with one pom about to fall off. "Fix it Mamaw please" was his request again. By the next morning it was in perfect shape, and Elliot promptly pulled in on his head and started shaking it. All it needed was jingle bells to fill the house with sound. "Thank you Mamaw! Thank you Mamaw! Thank you Mamaw!" brought tears of joy to my eyes.

C and I were raised to say please and thank you. We taught our children the importance of this simple courtesy along with yes/no ma-am/sir. When only C and I were at the table, we said please pass... and thank you to one another. It was part of who we were.

At dinner one night when Lois Ann was just starting to talk (Mama and Dada were the first two words), I passed her something at the table. She said "too too." We weren't sure what she meant. But we soon figured it out. She was saying Thank You--her third word. All our buttons popped! We were very proud she had learned naturally and from observing us to be courteous.

Courteousness in general appears to be going by the way side these days. Liberty Mutual Insurance is trying to re-introduce it to the masses. I love their advertisements showing people watching individuals do random acts of kindness for others. Yes, they are simple little things that, on the surface, may seem silly to some. But that is where courteousness comes from. One person being kind to another.

It is also a minimal way of demonstrating respect for another human being. Just take the time to recognize, to acknowledge and to ask with sincerity. Little Elliot did all of these.

I have no idea when parents stopped teaching their children to be well-mannered. If anyone knows of a social science white paper out there on the subject, I'd love the url.

A liberal radio station had the education-classroom topic up today. A caller stated he believed the problems in today's classrooms (i.e. poor education) started in the '70s when "we Americans" started caring more about having fun and living for the weekend instead of focusing on the importance of learning, doing a good job, etc. Could disrespect toward anyone interfering with that pursuit of frivolity have started rearing it's ugly head and destroying genteelity?

Another choice might be the women's movement in the late '60s and early '70s. During those days there were women that got vocally upset when men would open doors for them. Back then it wasn't unusual for women to be outright nasty to men for treating them politely. If you are nice to someone and they "slap" you, why would you show them respect at all?

A third possibility might be when parents started coming to school and saying to the administration, "What did your teacher do wrong this time?" It was a time when parents believed anything their child said was the truth.

Actually, this situation was the pendulum swinging too far left/right. It was a time of overreaction. But before the pendulum gets back to center, the damage is done. Parents teach their children that adults in position of power are to be treated with contempt. Could the result of that situation be fueling this time of so much disrespect?

Graciousness isn't only for sophisticated people. Being thoughtful and considerate is not a virtue with caste lines. There is no reason for anyone to be discourteous and impolite to others.

Thank you Elliot for asking with "please" and being sincere with your "thank you." You warm the cockles of my heart. But, most importantly, thank you for asking for my help.

Cleaning out the mail

The other day I had so many emails in my inbox I had to start deleting/saving items. Some things I needed to keep because--well, just because.

But what were all those emails about? I was able to break them down into a starting sort of five categories: notes/letters/"check out this link;" notifications; subscriptions (news, politics, etc./businesses); The "Guess what?/Did you know?/This is funny!/Isn't this terrible?!; and the guilt-list of petitions/pass-alongs. I'm sure by the time I finish this entry several more possible categories will come to mind.

I love the notes/letters group. Friends and family touching base and letting me know what is happening in their lives. There are many that have pictures attached. Personal files for a division of these emails help me keep the ones with information I need (or think I need). It is hard to delete any that have photos if I don't download them to my gallery.

Next in the list are notifications. Since I notify my high school classmates of information about fellow EHSers and their families and upcoming events, I look forward to receiving these mailings myself. One of the churches I have been visiting has me on the mailing list for the prayer chain. In comes the request; up goes the lifting. These, too, are treasured.

What about the subscriptions? Well, most of them I put myself on. No one to blame but moi. The catalogue sites selling things I'm hesitant to drop because I just might need them one day. However, many of those I have never placed an order with. And JoAnn's fabrics sends coupons I just might use one of these days. And I need all the ammunition I can get from the GOP in this election year!

Now I get to the emails that sometimes rub me the wrong way--the Guess What? etc. set. The funny ones I check out and delete on the spot. I do enjoy a good laugh the same as everyone else. And I have received awesome photos in this category, especially the ones of earth from the shuttle showing the night/day over north Africa and Europe and , recently, a link to a WWII European theater map with active info.

Also in this division are the "Isn't this terrible?!" spammings. If the sender had taken a moment to check snopes.com (urban legend), they would have chucked it. Most of these are false. If I have time to check them out, I do so and forward (reply all) the link to show the error. Not too many of these items get passed along from me to others these days.

Bottom of the list and at number five is petitions and pass-alongs (great things will happen; bad luck will strike you; "If you believe in God..."). First off, snopes.com reinforces the notion that petitions being signed online are never effective--can't be. So why send them at all? Dump them now and stop the bleeding.

As for guilt laid out on those who don't forward a particular email--just forget it. If you just think about it: Who's going to know? I am more offended by the cutline than the email's original message.

There are also the "erase my answer and put your answer in" and pass along. If I have time and the list is not too long, I MIGHT do it for you, but I will rarely pass it along to others. Guess I'm getting too tired. Besides, no one responded to the last on I forwarded (lol).

A couple of years ago I passed along an email spam I agreed with. I was selective with my chosen recipients. One of them wrote back and said, "You don't need to pass along your agenda to me" (more or less). It caused me to take a second look at what I was sending to whom.

There is a journalistic reminder that "if in doubt, take it out" applies in editing articles. In this instance when editing emails, I would say "hit the delete key."

Living in 3D

I saw my first 3D movie in the '50s. Those paper glasses were a hoot. But they brought the pictures right up to your face. I really didn't see too many of them though. Not that many 3D movies came to our State Theater. We did get lots of B movies (Doris Day and Rock Hudson over and over and over again!) and some westerns.

Then along came Disney in the '70s to central Florida bringing 3D and the paper glasses to the forefront again. They added special affects with wind, water and tickles that made the experience lots of fun.

Being able to see in and out and around the "objects" gave multiple views in the scenes. "Did you see that?" "No, but did you see this?" What fun--and insight.

Trailers for the movie Vantage Point caught my eye this year for the same concept: multiple views of an event. I still haven't seen it but plan to do so. Which angle really did get the truth of the attempted assassination?

And a Law and Order show began with a shooting with loads of witnesses. But for some reason no two witnesses were in agreement about what went down. How could this be?

Actually I believe this really is possible. Our individual observation of an event has our particular priorities of focus/influence. One person may be zoned in on fashion and use that angle for relating his facts. But another person may be cued to electronics and add his two cents worth from that perspective. These examples can go on for ever.

Let's consider taking this model and applying it to other issues such as politics, religion, education, war and peace, economics, globalization, environment--whatever. Each of us has our opinion on these and countless other things. And each of us has our own set of priorities at issue when deciding where we stand and why on the topics. Is one more correct/right/accurate than another? It depends on whether you agree with that person or not.

There are people that look at gay marriages and say yes because--legal rights are at issue; or yes because--pursuit of happiness should not be denied; or yes because--physical attraction shouldn't be denied. Then there are those who say no because--the definition of marriage is one male one female; or no because--the Bible says it is sinful; or no because--even the animal kingdom rejects such unions.

When we each get down to the nitty gritty of our personal reason for our preference, we think that is the only right way to believe on the subject and everyone else just doesn't get it. I remember Daddy use to say, "I might not always be right, but I'm never wrong."

The next step, I think, is in accepting the fact that everyone has a right to his own opinion and priority of focus on all matters. If our debate skills are unsuccessful in changing a person's mind, it is time to agree to disagree.

How many countries in the world allow individual thought among its citizens? What types of government do they have? For all the heated rhetoric bombarding us in the US this election year, I pray we respect one another's right to disagree--no matter how wrong we think they may be.

They always have an answer

Here in the USA we are said to have a democratic republic. We elect from our peers people to make decisions for us concerning our governance--city, county/parish, state, country. What do we expect of these officials we have just elected?

Well, it depends upon our feelings about the individual issues on which they make determinations on our behalf. Sometimes these issues are put on ballots so we make the decision in place of them. Isn't that democracy in its purest form--all having a say on what will or will not be? The majority (of those voting) win!

I remember my government teacher, Mr. Dandridge, in high school saying this isn't always right. Why not? Because the needs of the minority must be respected and protected and taken into consideration when decisions are made. Majority rule was not always right.

I still have issues with that focus on many topics facing our governments. Protection, sure. But to deny the majority their choice doesn't sit well with me; it appears then that we have minority rule?

Over the years I have listened to our reps tell us why they have voted on items before them the way they have. "You elected me to vote for what YOU want." Ah, democracy with majority wins! "You elected me to gather the facts and make the decision FOR you." Uh oh. What we, the majority, told you to do you aren't going to do? "You elected me because of what I believe (political party?) should be the focus of our government." Majority OF THOSE WHO VOTED gets to determine how things go? [This is not a true majority since so few eligible voters here in the US actually do vote.]

Have you noticed, as I have, that our reps flip around all three of these reasons to suit their needs? Whatever fits.

No wonder so many people don't vote. How can you feel your vote really counts for anything when the elected choose to do whatever they want to do? But, even with all these bumps in the process, by voting we still get to let our governments know what we want. And with term limits we get to oust those that don't do the job the way we want.

In a culture of instant everything, it is difficult for us to accept that government isn't an instant thing. It can take 10 to 20 years-with many changes in reps-before issues can be resolved by our elected officials and then 10 to 20 more years to see the results we wanted in the beginning. That's half a lifetime! Geeze, waiting nine months for a child was too long for many of us.

There is always a ready reason for why things in governments just don't get done or done the way we want them. But if we don't vote we don't have a right to complain. So vote and then you too can complain or praise the workings of your governments. Better yet--why don't you run for office in any of your governments.